when your partner makes you feel not good enough

What to Do When Your Partner Makes You Feel Not Good Enough

When your partner makes you feel not good enough is a big concern, especially since we have our own insecurities to manage.

Feeling like your partner is better than you in nearly all aspects? You’re not alone.

We’ve all been in that not-so-good place where it feels like we do not measure up to our romantic partners. Sometimes, we might even entertain the thought that they’re only temporary in our lives and will soon leave us.

Relationships are naturally difficult to fully comprehend; throw in our fears, insecurities, and imperfections, and the difficulty assumes a whole new dimension!

How do you get over your insecurities when your partner makes you feel not good enough? While such a feeling can be confusing and difficult to navigate, not resolving it on time can cause cracks in your relationship. 

This article highlights 7 effective ways to feel better about yourself and overcome the unhelpful feeling of not being worthy of your partner.

We will then tackle the concern when your partner makes you feel not good enough for yourself, for them, or both.

Why You Feel Unworthy of Your Partner

sad woman sitting beside man looking at smartphone

You might be struggling with one or more of the following issues if you feel not good enough for your partner or anyone else, for that matter.

1. You Are Overly Worried About Your Imperfections

Excessively worrying about your flaws will continually hold you back from improvement. The same is true in relationships. Feeling not good enough for your partner because you are focused on your imperfections does not help you, your partner, or the relationship.

Instead, it makes you feel insecure in the relationship. Acting from a place of insecurity will likely push your partner away.

2. You Have a Fear of Rejection

Avoidance is one way we protect ourselves from getting hurt. We prefer to avoid situations where we think we might be embarrassed, humiliated, or rejected.

However, it is tricky to realize this because your fear of being rejected in a relationship might show up as a feeling of unworthiness. You already assumed that your partner is better than you, so you instinctively create an emotional wall to protect you from the pain of rejection.

This limits emotional intimacy, making it difficult to communicate openly and honestly with your significant other.

3. You Have a More Accomplished Partner

Having a romantic partner who’s more accomplished in nearly all aspects of life can be quite intimidating.

It is easy to believe they are lowering their standards to be with you. This type of thinking can make you feel grossly inferior and constantly fear losing your partner to someone more “qualified.”

4. You Are Unsure of Yourself

Self-doubt can prevent you from reaching for the things you instinctively know you deserve, including an amazing relationship. Doubting yourself makes you believe the erroneous thought that no one wants to share their lives with you.

If you are already in a relationship, being unsure of yourself may stem from having imposter syndrome ― a thinking pattern that discounts all your best qualities and achievements. In other words, you think you are just lucky to be in a relationship with a wonderful partner (even if you are an amazing person yourself).

5. You’ve Been Hurt by Love in the Past

If you’ve been hurt by love in the past, you’re more likely to be cautious about future relationships.

Once bitten twice shy, right?

No one enjoys being hurt, so it makes sense to avoid being let down by love repeatedly if you’ve had not-so-pleasant experiences in the past where your ex treated you like an option.

Unfortunately, holding onto past hurts can becloud your judgment, leading you to believe that you are not good enough for anyone.

6. There Is Little Physical Intimacy and Emotional Support

You’re more likely to feel not good enough for your partner if there’s a decline in your sex life, particularly in a committed relationship.

If your partner grows less physically intimate with you, it is normal to think they are not attracted to you anymore, and this can make you feel not good enough for them.

However, people can have sex but lack deep emotional support. This means there is no open communication and trust in the relationship, which can make you feel bad about yourself and doubt the future of the relationship.

7. Your Partner Is Manipulative

It is normal to feel not good enough for your partner if they constantly hint that they are leaving the relationship. However, this is mostly a tactic to manipulate and control you.

Anyone who makes you feel unworthy is emotionally blackmailing you. Take my advice: walk away from the relationship!

Bottom line: no one is ever too good for you, regardless of why you feel that way. The above reasons do not justify the feeling of unworthiness in any way. I’ve only pointed out these reasons to help you identify possible problem areas to tackle when your partner makes you feel not good enough.

With that out of the way, let’s consider practical ways to feel good enough for your partner and anyone else.

Tips to Take Charge When Your Partner Makes You Feel Not Good Enough

happy couple having fun in a park

Your romantic partner may be deliberately putting you down, belittling you, and making you feel privileged to be with them.

This strongly indicates insecurity issues in the relationship, and you should either work on improving the situation or walk away instead of remaining in a toxic relationship. Remember, no relationship is worth sacrificing your physical and mental well-being for!

On the other hand, your significant other may unknowingly make you feel unworthy of them. In this case, the unworthy feeling emanates from you and is a sign you’re struggling with low self-esteem.

Thankfully, you can regain your confidence and feel worthy of your partner with the following tips.

1. Discuss Your Fears With Your Partner and Be Clear About Your Expectations

Communication is a vital part of any healthy relationship, so the first thing to do when your partner makes you feel not good enough is to talk to them about your feelings.

Let them know how you feel and the changes you’ll want them to help bring about in your life.

Talking about your insecurities often creates a feeling of vulnerability; it might even be scary. But remember, your partner is not a mind reader and might not have a clue about your feeling if you don’t tell them.

Be open about your worries, fears, and insecurities, and explain the type of support you need as well as the value you hope to bring to the relationship.

When you have honest and open communication in a healthy relationship, you discover that your partner is likely more than willing to support you. Who knows, they might even feel not good enough, too, and your openness about the topic will help them work on improving their self-perception.

2. Define What Being Good Enough Means

What does being good enough mean to you in a relationship? Is it when your partner sees you as someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with? Does it mean including you in every major decision about the relationship?

Be clear about what being “good enough” really means to you. This will help you focus your energy on productive actions to become “good enough” rather than worrying about not being good enough.

However, it is important to do what resonates with you. Go above and beyond to prove yourself to no one but yourself. But avoid pretending to be something else just to get your partner’s approval.

3. Watch What You Tell Yourself

Your inner self-talk greatly influences how you perceive yourself, the level of risks you’re willing to take, and your general outlook on life.

This is why getting a handle on your inner chatter is crucial. Each time you catch yourself thinking thoughts that put you down, stop and challenge that line of thinking.

Say to yourself:

  • I am good enough
  • I am worthy
  • I am of value
  • My partner adores me
  • I am confident

Check out this post for more positive affirmations to reprogram your mind.

4. Realize That No One Is Perfect

Come to terms with the fact that no one is perfect ― including your amazing partner. This is one of the best realizations to help you overcome poor self-perception.

Idealizing your partner will make you feel you’re way out of your league. On the other hand, seeing them objectively removes any self-inflicted pressure to measure up.

Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean you should focus on your partner’s flaws.

 Instead, understand that they are humans like you, and you shouldn’t feel less than them just because they are more successful, competent, or attractive than you.

5. Embrace Your Imperfections

Focusing on your imperfections magnifies them, making you feel “less than.”

On the other hand, embracing your flaws helps you appreciate the person you are ― the person your partner is head-over-heels for!

Realize not we can’t all have financial empires, supermodel bodies, enviable careers, or whatever measure of success you think you’re currently lacking.

Instead of worrying about not having these things, consider working toward attaining the things you want. And that brings me to the next point in rebuilding your self-confidence.

6. Set and Accomplish Goals

Setting and smashing goals create a sense of accomplishment and boost self-esteem.

But that’s not all.

Consistently looking forward to something you want to accomplish takes your mind off your flaws and channels your energy to more productive ventures. It helps you live more intentionally and improves your sense of self-worth. Pretty soon, no one can make you feel not good enough for them!

7. Walk Away if You Are in a Bad Relationship

Don’t stay in a relationship where you constantly deal with unloving behavior. Walk away if your partner puts you down, gaslights you, physically or emotionally abuses you, or treats you like an option.

Remaining in a toxic relationship in the hope that your partner will change, even though you know they are not willing to do so, is settling for less than you are worth.

When to See a Therapist

Low self-esteem and poor self-worth issues can affect nearly every aspect of your life, making it difficult to function optimally. Overcoming these issues alone can be an uphill climb sometimes, especially if you have a manipulative and critical partner.

You will need all the support you can get if you are in an unhealthy relationship. Quitting a toxic relationship can prevent further emotional damage. However, that’s not the only thing you need to rebuild self-confidence.

Consider seeking professional counseling to improve how you feel about yourself. If it is necessary to leave your current relationship, a therapist can offer guidance to help you stop feeling guilty and move on.

You Are Worthy of Love and Respect

couple hugging and smiling

Let’s end this article with a few thought-provoking lines.

When you feel unworthy of someone, are they making you feel that way, or are you responsible for how you feel?

Here’s the truth: no one can make you feel not good enough without your consent.

I get it; no one in their right mind will consciously permit someone else to make them feel inferior.

But here’s the thing.

You can give your consent without realizing it! And that’s where many people miss the point. They think their partners are responsible for how they feel about themselves.

You permit your partner to control your feelings about yourself and your self-perception by your response to their behavior.

Your response to your significant other’s unloving behavior creates resentment, blame, depression, and a feeling of unworthiness.

Of course, there’s no denying that it is challenging not to feel bad when your partner is critical or disapproving of you. Yet, you are in charge of your response as an adult, and mastering your response is crucial if you must maintain your self-esteem.

When your partner makes you feel not good enough, remember that you are in charge of your feelings. Walk away from the relationship if your partner treats you poorly and is unwilling to change. Don’t remain in a toxic relationship for any reason, and make sure to stop caring about them.

On the other hand, if the feeling of unworthiness stems from your perception, understand that you are good enough for anyone! Don’t ever let anybody ― including yourself ― convince you otherwise.

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