why is dating so hard for guys

Why Is Dating So Hard for Guys? Tips on Dating for Men

A healthy romantic relationship feels like heaven on earth!

However, the process of initiating contact, dating, and nurturing the relationship into a blissful, long-lasting one can be quite overwhelming, especially for men.

Why is dating so hard for guys, though?

From being grossly misunderstood to being unfairly slotted into stereotypes, men have a ton of factors stacked against them when it comes to dating.

The good news is that you can find ways around many of these challenges, but that can only happen if you have the right advice.

That’s why in addition to helping you understand the reason dating can be more difficult for guys, this article shares some of the best tips for overcoming the challenges. I suggest you keep reading if you’re ready to improve your chances of finding and easily connecting with your special woman.

Why Is Dating So Hard for Guys? 5 Top Reasons

couple having a misunderstanding

Men generally don’t find it surprising if women play hard to get ― although it can be frustrating! However, when you combine that with the many unwritten rules and all the hoops men need to jump through, dating becomes a bit scary, even for the most self-confident man.

Here are 5 common reasons dating is difficult for young and older men alike.

1. Dealing With Stereotypes

No matter what anyone thinks, all men are not the same. However, that doesn’t stop many women from buying into the generalization. And this type of thinking makes them distrust any man that crosses their paths.

But the “men are all the same” generalization is not the only thing guys have to contend with.

A more challenging fact is that men get categorized into stereotypes, which is demeaning and unfair.

Men have to deal with stereotypes like “bad guy,” “jerk,” “soft guy,” “nice guy,” etc., regardless of their distinct personalities.

Here’s the thing, though.

You don’t automatically win a woman’s heart just because she thinks you’re a nice guy. Ironically, many women are attracted to so-called bad guys while the nice guys are left on the sidelines.

As you can imagine, this is quite confusing.

To think that women gripe and whine about men not treating them well, yet many of them prefer dating bad guys.

Heck! What’s a man to do? Be a gentleman or a bad guy?

Perhaps the answer lies in the vibe you exude when meeting a woman you like. And I’ll cover that in a bit when I share my top 5 dating tips for men.

2. Unconscious Competition

As a man, you constantly compete with other guys, even though you may not consciously realize this.

Developing charm, wit, and a sense of humor, looking great, having a good job, driving an expensive car, and having an athletic body type might not mean much to you when you’re a happily single person.

But all that changes the moment you meet a woman you’re interested in.

Suddenly, you realize that so many guys have many good qualities, social skills, and physical stuff to add to their dating profile, making them more appealing to many women.

And even if a guy has everything a woman would want, there are many other guys with better stuff, skills, and qualities, all courting the same woman.

Somehow, this is not anyone’s fault. It is how things are, and some men simply bow out when faced with stiff competition.

3. Men Are Generally Poor Communicators Compared to Women

Men find dating difficult because they aren’t the greatest communicators and can’t always carry a conversation.

Women are more expressive than men. They connect and express their emotions better than men because their brains are wired differently, and that’s a scientifically proven fact.

This is why many guys tend to get lost when having a conversation with a woman they like. They can’t seem to come up with the right things to say since they are less in touch with their feelings. This makes it hard to develop an emotional connection with a new person.

To make things worse, society expects men to talk less, especially about their feelings.

Growing up, most guys had fathers and male role models who thought it was a sign of weakness for men to talk about their feelings. Why is dating so hard for guys? With this type of conditioning, the answer is glaring.

4. Guys Are Expected to Always Initiate Contact

With all the advancements we’ve been through, you’ll expect the dating process to move past some stereotypes in the 21st century. Unfortunately, that’s not the case, at least for most people.

Men are expected to make the first move in nearly every aspect of life involving relationships, including dating, sex, and marriage.

Dating is already hard as it is, especially in the modern world. But it is tougher when you feel like you’re under pressure to always be the initiator of everything!

Again, this is another area where societal expectations are stacked against guys. Our society tends to put extra pressure on guys to not only initiate contact but also meet up with a very definite pattern.

All over the world, guys are expected to finish school, get a job, find a good girl, marry her, have kids, and live happily ever after.

Besides depriving women of the right to go for who they like, this societal conditioning puts men at a serious disadvantage; it perpetuates the fear of being rejected and increases the risk of guys taking rejection personally.

5. Taking Rejection Personally

Nearly every guy has been turned down by a woman he likes. Rejection hurts, but most guys learn to take it in their strides and move on.

However, when rejection from potential female partners becomes a recurring theme in a guy’s dating life, it might take a toll on their self-esteem.

It is not uncommon for men to consider rejection as a slap on their masculinity, leading to insecurities and a feeling of not being good enough.

But why are guys more likely to take rejection personally than most women?

Simple! Society expects men to initiate contact, so more guys will likely get turned down than women.

5 Dating Tips for Men

couple about to kiss

Understanding why dating is hard for guys is great, but that information won’t help much if you don’t know how to turn the tide in your favor.

To help you with that, here are 5 dating tips that can reduce the hassles of finding your special someone.

1. Be a Gentleman, Not a Nice Guy

Earlier, when I discussed dealing with stereotypes, I mentioned something about the vibe you give off when meeting a woman you like. 

Here’s the truth.

No one can accurately tell who you are within the first few minutes (or days) of meeting them. That said, getting a second chance at creating a good first impressing is difficult.

Understand that a woman will quickly classify you into one of the common stereotypes for men within moments of initiating contact. For this reason, you want to exude the right vibe if you want her to find you attractive.

Whatever you do, avoid giving off the “nice guy” vibe.

Nice guys are often friend-zoned, and that’s not a good place to be if you want to thrive in the dating and relationship scene.

Be a gentleman, but not overly nice.

Women will unconsciously take advantage of you if they think you are a nice guy. After all, nice guys go out of their way to please others. You will readily come to mind when they need assistance with something, but they’ll turn to the gentleman when they need love and romance.

When meeting a woman you’re interested in, exude confidence and a can-do attitude. Be clear about your intention from the get-go instead of dawdling in the hope that she’ll get the message.

2. Understand the Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance

Confidence is key when initiating contact in dating and relationships. You want to put your best foot forward by smiling, using positive body language, and making her laugh.

However, don’t come on too strong.

You want to be seen as confident, not arrogant. It is okay to hear wedding bells the minute you see a woman, but never assume that she feels the same way, or else you’ll be too forward and ruin your chances.

If you go out on a date with a woman you’re interested in, don’t bore her with talks about your achievements. Nothing says arrogance more than centering the conversation on you.

Letting her do most of the talking is a better way to show that you’re interested in her. Ask her questions ― lots of them. But don’t interrogate her because that’ll be stalking.

By asking questions and letting her do the talking, you display confidence, set the tone of the conversation, get to know her better, and charm her in the process.

3. Turn On Your Natural Charm

Like many guys, you may have come across this classic dating advice on the internet: talk with a woman like you would a friend or family.

The reason?

Talking this way takes the pressure off, allowing you to be yourself. This sounds like good advice until you follow it and end up in the friend zone!

There’s a huge difference between your sister and the woman you are romantically interested in, so why would you want to talk with her like your family?

You must make yourself attractive to the person you want to attract. That means turning on your natural charm when talking to them. That’s not something you would do with family, right?

I completely agree that overthinking your flirting technique or going overboard to impress someone often fails. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t up your game when meeting someone new.

Here are a few ways to be more charming:

  • Make eye contact during interactions. It’s a subtle way to say, “I’m listening.” Research from Miami University shows that people who maintain direct eye contact during conversations are considered more emphatic and socially savvy.
  • When you meet someone for the first couple of times, ditch the idle chitchat and use positive observations to eliminate awkward silences. For example, say something like, “Lovely earrings! Where did you get them?” This is better than some weak talk about the weather. Saying something positive about the person in front of you saves you the pain of running through the list of small talks in your head for a suitable icebreaker.
  • Listen more and talk less. Avoid interjecting when your date is sharing a story, even if you have a similar experience.

4. Flirting Should Be Subtle (But Not Too Subtle!)

Remember that dating is not a business interview, so permit yourself to flirt with the woman you’re interested in rather than approaching her like a business partner.

Learn the art of subtle flirting. For example, you can use compliments to flirt subtly by saying something like, “You must have put a lot of work into looking this great.” Avoid sexual comments like, “you’re so hot!”

Here’s the thing, though.

If you’re too subtle, your flirting moves might go unnoticed. And guess what happens if a woman has no idea you’re romantically interested in her? She’ll friendzone you!

5. Get Out There

Dating is hard for guys, no doubt. But you can’t find that special someone if you don’t put yourself out there.

You need to meet people, whether in person or through online dating. Even if you’re shy or consider yourself an introvert, you’ll improve by making an effort.

After all, dating can be a nerve-racking experience for most people ― vulnerability and openness to new experiences comes with the territory.

By the way, I recommend reading this article if you want to learn to be more talkative and conversational.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever asked, “why is dating so hard for guys?” now you know. But most importantly, this article equips you with practical tips on overcoming these dating roadblocks.

There’s no reason to spend your evenings glued to your video game console! Put yourself out there and increase your chances of finding love.

Keep in mind that you might still have rejection.

However, it doesn’t reflect your masculinity or who you are. You are a great guy, and there’s definitely a special woman out there for you ― just keep looking!

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