Here’s a secret to attracting and keeping amazing people in your life: value them!
But what does it mean to value someone, really? Does it mean telling them nice words and doing nice things for them?
If you value a person, you think they are important to you and appreciate their role in your life.
Having the right people around you is one thing; showing them they matter is a completely different ball game.
Not knowing how to appreciate the important people in your life can be construed as taking them for granted, even if that’s not your intention.
Unfortunately, it is much easier to adore and swoon over people in the media who don’t even know we exist but fail to appreciate and acknowledge those who make every day of our lives easy and meaningful.
Every important person in your life deserves to feel like they matter, so value them.
Don’t know exactly how to do that?
I’ve got you covered! Read on to learn ways to show the important people in your life that they matter.
Liking Someone Versus Valuing Them
First, let’s talk about liking versus valuing someone. There’s a world of difference between the two.
Liking someone doesn’t necessarily mean they are important to you. For example, a guy may like a lady enough to do nice things for her and tell her sweet words. But he doesn’t really value her if he belittles her, treats her like an option, or doesn’t think highly of her opinion.
One of the reasons people end up in relationships with partners who make them feel not good enough is because they don’t know the difference between someone merely liking them and valuing them.
When you like someone, you think they are nice to be with, but you don’t necessarily include them in your long-term plans. However, when you value a person, you look out for them, have them in mind, and want the best for them, even if you’re not in a romantic relationship with them.
What Does It Mean to Value Someone?
The truth is not everyone adds value to your life, so you’re not likely to treat everyone the same, no matter how highly positive you try to live.
Of course, you should treat everyone with kindness and respect, but not everyone will occupy the same place in your life.
Those you value will always have a special place in your life, and your behavior toward them says it all.
Here are signs that you value someone.
You Care About Them
Valuing someone is caring enough to know what’s going on in their life. You don’t necessarily have to be in a romantic relationship with someone to care deeply about them.
For example, you can care for your coworker by encouraging and supporting their career growth, offering to help, or scheduling social time outside work hours.
You feel happy when things work out for someone you care about and feel hurt when they feel hurt or are treated badly. And you are more than willing to help them in whatever way you can.
You Think Highly of Them
Being polite and treating everyone in your life with respect is normal. However, you will know you value someone, regardless of familiarity, when you think highly of them.
In other words, you don’t take them for granted or belittle them in any way. If anything, you consider it a privilege to have them in your life, and they feel the same way about you, too!
If you value someone, they don’t have to be rich or famous; you respect them regardless of their class or status, and you think their opinions matter, so you actively seek their views and apply their suggestions whenever possible.
One way to show you don’t take someone for granted is by keeping your promises. You see them when you say you would and reschedule if you can’t. But you don’t cancel plans at will because you respect their time and want to spend time with them.
You Show Them How Much They Mean to You
You take their suggestions and pieces of advice seriously. You always want to seek their opinion on what’s important to you, even if it is not their area of expertise.
You definitely value someone if you always share your plans, goals, and concerns with them. They may not have the right solutions or answers; still, you want them in on the important stuff in your life.
How to Show Someone You Value Them
Like millions of others, you may have gone about your daily life without giving much thought to appreciating and acknowledging those who matter to you. That’s all in the past, so don’t beat yourself up for past mistakes.
The best way to stop feeling guilty and move on is to start showing those that matter to you how much you value them. And here are some ways to do just that.
1. Show Genuine Interest in Them
What does this person do best? What are their strengths and weaknesses? What are they passionate about? Do you know why they like something and dislike another?
Getting to truly know someone means being interested enough to understand their life, goals, and personal struggles.
Keep in mind that knowing someone isn’t the same as trying to “fix” them.
Instead, it means walking a mile in their shoes so you can appreciate where they are coming from and where they are striving to reach.
How do you show genuine interest in someone you value, particularly during conversations or one-on-one interactions? Here are a few tips:
- Look them in the eye when you speak to show you are fully present with them.
- Ask open-ended questions to allow them to converse freely.
- And if you forget everything else, never forget to call them by their name, especially when appreciating them. This will go a long way to increase their sense of importance.
2. Acknowledge Them Publicly
Privately praising someone is great and can strengthen the bond you share. However, recognizing their accomplishments in public creates a bigger impact on them.
People don’t have to be famous to be publicly acknowledged for their contributions. If they are important to you, seize the right opportunities to recognize them in front of others.
It doesn’t matter whether it is during a speech at a company-wide event or a heartfelt toast at a small family dinner; publicly acknowledging someone is a great way to show you value them.
However, it is important to mean exactly what you say about them and be genuine.
Whatever you do, avoid exaggerations because if you overstate the facts just to make the person appear better, you are doing the opposite of valuing them ― saying they are not good just as they are, and that’s not what you want.
3. Support Them
If you value someone, believe in their dreams and support them as much as possible.
Here are a few ways to show your support.
Invest your time and resources in them. You can’t claim to believe in someone’s dream and not make any input to help them actualize it.
Go out of your way to be there for them.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should abandon your life’s pursuit just to support another person. But you should try to know what they need to succeed and help them as much as possible to get it.
4. Allow Them to Shine
Do you know why insecure people hardly acknowledge others? They are afraid someone else will steal the spotlight.
But just because your significant other, friend, or associate is successful doesn’t make you less than who you are. You must be willing to encourage those you care about to be the best versions of themselves, even if that means not being under your shadow.
5. Spend Quality Time With Them
Everyone knows to spend time with the important people in their lives, but not everyone spends quality time with those they value. The difference that positively impacts the other person is what you do during your time with them, not just the number of hours spent.
When you spend time with someone you value, make them a priority by giving them your undivided attention. That means being present while you’re with them and not giving in to distractions or allowing distractions in the first place.
Quit constantly checking your phone, texting, calling, or emailing while you’re supposed to be spending time with someone important to you. Turn off your phone if possible, or put it in silent or flight mode.
And by all means, don’t stare at the TV when you’re supposed to be spending quality time with the person you value (unless you’re spending movie night together!)
Doing something apart from being fully present tells the other person they don’t matter. Here’s what they hear when you don’t give them your full attention: “Hold on a bit while I attend to something more important than you!”
6. Follow Up
Picture this:
You mentioned an upcoming exam in passing to a coworker during a casual conversation. You get a call from them after your exams, and they want to know how the test went. You probably didn’t remember telling them about it, yet they called.
This tells you two things: first, you are on their mind, and second, they care enough about you to follow up.
That’s exactly how others feel when you follow up, and it clearly shows you value them enough to pay attention to them and check up on them.
Cultivate the habit of checking in regularly with the people you value to see how they are doing. Find out if they’ve made progress about something they are hoping to achieve. Bring up topics they’ve shared to show you were listening and care enough to remember.
Of course, valuing someone doesn’t mean you should think about them all day. It simply means they are on your mind, and you care about their wellbeing.
7. Give Honest Feedback
So far, I’ve covered the things that make friendship or relationships more fun. But I’ll be remiss not to mention the challenging aspect that actually shows you really care and value someone.
Giving honest feedback can be difficult for many people, but if you care about someone, you shouldn’t hesitate to say the tough stuff, even if it stings a bit.
Being perceived as likable is not the same as genuinely caring; the former quality makes you say things the other person wants to hear, while the latter compels you to tell them what they need to hear.
Take a moment to consider your relationship with those you care about. Have you always avoided telling them the tough stuff? Is being perceived as likable more important to you? Do you tell white lies to those you care about just to avoid hurting them?
The truth is, if you care deeply about someone, you must tell them when their behavior is detrimental or the likely consequences of their actions.
Shying away from the truth might make them feel good in the moment, but turning a blind eye will likely have a negative effect on the person in the long run. It might even affect your relationship if they discovered you knew the consequences of their behavior but kept mute.
Bottom line: if you care about someone, be straightforward with them.
Final Thoughts
What does it mean to value someone or the people in your life? It is letting your actions match your words in expressing how much that person means to you.
Liking your partner, friend, or associate is great but not enough. If you’re in a romantic relationship, show your better half that they make you better! And demonstrate trust and unwavering support to friends and associates.
Remember, the best way to keep great people in your network is to value them.
