Feeling lucky to have a wonderful partner is one thing; feeling not good enough for him is an entirely different ballgame and usually stems from low self-esteem.
As a woman, you are worthy of being loved by the man you truly want, no matter how good-looking, influential, rich, or famous he is.
If you are currently in a relationship with the most amazing guy on earth, you’ll not bring a lot to the relationship table if you continue feeling not good enough for him.
Don’t take this the wrong way, though.
We all fall into the trap of feeling insecure now and then, but dwelling on your shortcomings (as if your man is perfect!) won’t do you and your partner any good. On the contrary, that type of thinking can lead to behaviors that will push your man away from you.
Worse still, feeling insecure might lead to a lack of trust, withdrawal, resentment, envy, and an eventual end of the relationship.
Keep reading if you’re tired of feeling not good enough for your man because I’ll share vital tips to help you fall in love with yourself again, believe in your worth, and truly enjoy a healthy relationship.
First, let’s start by looking at how feeling unworthy of your partner can negatively impact your relationship.
How a Feeling of Unworthiness Affects Your Relationship
1. Continually Looking for Reassurance From Your Man
Women love to hear reassuring statements such as, “I’m so blessed to have such a beautiful woman in my life,” from their men.
While it is okay to want to seek reassurance from your significant other once in a while, it is not a good sign to constantly need your partner to validate you or their feelings for you. Continually seeking reassurance is a fear-based behavior ― fear that you might lose your partner because you feel not good enough for him.
2. Catastrophic Thinking
Catastrophizing refers to irrationally assuming the worse outcomes in situations. In this case, irrational thinking makes you assume the worst about your partner, even if there is no justifiable reason.
For example, catastrophic thinking leads to the assumption that your partner is with someone else because he isn’t answering his phone or cheating on you because he comes home late.
This type of thinking gets worse if you’re already feeling not good enough for him.
Unfortunately, catastrophic thinking isn’t just an irrational way of thinking. In addition to making you assume the worse about your man, it can cause anxiety, making you worry excessively about baseless fears.
To crown it all, catastrophizing often prevents proactiveness and concrete actions. Instead of focusing on solution-based actions, you’ll spend time doing nothing but excessively fretting about a situation.
3. Unnecessary and Unhealthy Comparison
You worry that you don’t measure up with the people in your partner’s life, especially other females like co-workers, business associates, or classmates.
It is also common to start comparing yourself with your partner’s ex if you feel unworthy of your partner. This unnecessary comparison can breed envy and may eventually lead to mistrust in your relationship.
4. Emotional Distance
Have you been somewhat withdrawn from your significant other? You might be responding to the unhelpful thought patterns that suggest you’re unworthy to be with someone as awesome as your man because of your perceived flaws.
Feeling not good enough gets between you and your partner, preventing you from being open, vulnerable, and chatty. This creates an emotional distance between you and your man, even if you live under the same roof.
5. Unable to Completely Trust Your Man
The feeling of not being good enough can drive behaviors that indicate you have trust issues.
Think of it this way. It is nearly impossible to trust someone to love you the way you are, flaws and all, if you feel too inferior and unworthy of their love.
It will always feel like they are merely putting up with you for the meantime and will walk out of the relationship the moment they find someone better than you.
This type of thinking indicates insecurity in a relationship, and it is difficult to build a strong emotional intimacy and lasting connection with a man you don’t trust.
You may love the idea of being with your man and considering taking the relationship to the next level. Still, you’ll do your relationship a great disservice if you’re always feeling not good enough for him.
9 Steps to Feel Worthy of Your Man
Occasionally feeling overwhelmed by your man’s successes or personality is okay. But feeling not good enough for him is not healthy for you and your relationship.
The following are practical ways to address the faulty thinking pattern to improve your self-perception.
1. Identify Why You Feel Not Good Enough
Have you been let down by someone you completely trusted before? Do you feel you are not as attractive or successful as others in your partner’s life?
Take some time to look inward and understand the reason behind your insecurity. Getting an insight into why you feel unworthy of your man is the first step to regaining your self-confidence.
Once you figure out your insecurity, you can get to work to overcome the problem.
This might require committing to regular exercise to improve your physical appearance and boost your self-image.
If you’re dealing with low self-esteem issues, seeking professional help or talking to a trusted family member or friend might be necessary. Besides gaining an outside perspective, spending quality time with family and friends can help shift your way of seeing yourself and help you feel more valuable.
2. Focus On Your Best Qualities
Your partner may be the most amazing person in the world, but here’s what you’re essentially doing in those moments when you’re feeling not good enough for him: you are comparing your flaws to his best qualities!
That’s unfair to yourself, don’t you agree?
When you feel inadequate or insecure, deliberately shift your focus to your best qualities ― not for comparison purposes.
Think of all your unique qualities and valuable things you’ve done in your life. You’ll gradually feel good about yourself and know for sure that you’re good enough for anyone!
3. Make Peace With Your Flaws
You have shortcomings, but so does everyone else, including your partner. We all have imperfections, and that’s what makes us human.
Feeling unworthy of your partner (because of your flaws) is self-inflicted punishment. Quit thinking that your man expects you to be a perfect human being!
Here’s an undeniable fact:
Every reasonable man wants an authentic woman. In other words, stop worrying about your flaws. Embrace your imperfections, work on things that can be improved, and simply do you!
4. Be Mindful of Your Inner Chatter
Typically, feeling not good enough stems from negative self-talk and results in self-limiting beliefs.
If your inner chatter is constantly self-critical ― always putting yourself down and pointing out your shortcomings ― it will be difficult to feel good enough for anyone. This is why you must be mindful of the conversations you have with yourself.
A good way to do this is by cultivating the habit of using positive affirmations to counter negative self-talk.
Remember, don’t wait until you catch yourself in self-criticism or self-blame to counter such thoughts with positive statements. Repeat positive affirmations as often as possible to rewire your thought patterns and reduce the frequency of negative inner chatter.
5. Practice Mindfulness
Like meditation, mindfulness is a powerful tool to help you connect with the present moment and not act based on fear.
One of the reasons we get emotionally worked up and physically drained is believing in fear-based thoughts. We use the power of our minds to conjure unpleasant scenarios, believe them, and stress ourselves about something that hasn’t happened and may never happen.
If you’re constantly worried that your man will abandon you because you are not perfect, your mind is tricking you into believing your thoughts without concrete evidence.
Stop yourself anytime the feeling of not being good enough creeps up on you. Bring yourself to the present and recognize that thought for what it is ― a mere thought. You don’t have to believe the thought or let your action stem from it.
Simply let go of the unhelpful thought and channel your energy to being the best version of yourself. That’s how to use the mindfulness tool.
6. Make Gratitude a Habit
Get a gratitude journal if you don’t already have one. Write down a list of things you are thankful for every morning when you wake up or at night before you hit the sack.
This practice shifts your attention from imperfections to the good in your life. That means you have less time worrying about not being good enough and more time amplifying the feeling of worthiness.
Gratitude makes you feel better about yourself, so commit to developing the habit, and pretty soon, you’ll no longer think you’re not good enough for anyone.
7. Think of Ways to Make Both of Your Lives Better
You are not seeing the whole picture when you think your man (or anyone else, for that matter!) is too good for you.
Think of it this way!
Like attracts like; you must have something of value to your partner for him to be attracted to you.
Instead of worrying about him being better than you, think of the things you have to offer to make your relationship better.
You are unique and have something to offer; you only need to look deep within. Spend time reflecting on how to improve your life, relationship, and your man’s life. Grab a notepad or computer and jot down the things that pop into your mind. Don’t dismiss anything, even if it seems insignificant at the moment.
Gather all the ideas you can, develop them, and implement them. You’ll feel better about your achievement and add more value to both of your lives.
8. Stop Assuming Your Man Is Perfect
Putting your man on a pedestal ― treating him like an ideal rather than an imperfect human like you ― is usually not the best thing for your relationship. A more helpful perspective is to see both of you as “work in progress.”
Your man might seem like he’s got his life figured out, but he has plenty of shortcomings and is probably struggling with insecurity, too!
Cut yourself some slack by being more objective when considering your man’s qualities. Yes, it is great to admire him, but see him as a person just like you.
By the way, you seriously don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks they are perfect unless you want to constantly deal with controlling behaviors.
9. Tell Your Man How You Feel
Honest and open communication is essential in any healthy relationship. While working on improving your self-image and overcoming low self-esteem is great, it is also important to recognize that you’re not in the relationship by yourself.
Talk to your man about your feelings, so he’s in the know. Your journey to regaining self-confidence will be a tad easier if you enlist his support.
Family, friends, and professionals may help remind you of your worth. But at the end of the day, your partner is in the relationship with you. He probably knows you better than anyone and is in a better position to make you feel better about yourself and help you stop feeling not good enough for him.
Feeling unworthy or not good enough for someone doesn’t have to be a life sentence. You can overcome the issue by improving your self-esteem.
Here are a few final words to always remember as you work on improving your confidence. Never question your self-worth, no matter your flaws ― real or perceived. And do not assume that someone is too good for you!
Recognize that you are worthy of love and certainly good enough to be with anyone you want, no matter their status. Always remember that no one can ever make you feel unworthy of them without your permission.
By implementing the suggestions in this article, you will gradually regain your confidence and sense of self-worth. However, do not hesitate to seek professional counseling if you think you’ll benefit from it.